“1 in 8 women are unable to conceive. 1 in 4 suffer a miscarriage. Pregnancy is not a joke…”
Who would have thought that these 3 sentences would have prompted over 200 responses on a social media platform? I sure as hell didn’t.
As they do every year, a celebrity posted a fake April Fools Day pregnancy announcement yesterday. The past few years I have simply scrolled past it with an eye role and the thought that they desperately need some more clever material. This year was different, though. I’ve been thinking about how I want to engage in NIAW this year and I thought a simple comment on the photo would be a good place to start. Maybe I would feel empowered after posting it. Maybe it would give me courage to shout “WE’RE INFERTILE” from the rooftops (OK, I didn’t think that). But, I did think that the post was an easy, safe place to start. I don’t know these people and they don’t know me. I’m a voice behind a computer but maybe that voice will inspire others to feel comfortable sharing. And, at the same time, I hoped my statement would shed some light on the inappropriateness of fake pregnancy announcements and infertility in general.
After posting the comment, I put my phone down and went back to work. A couple minutes later, my phone went off. I figured it was a text and when I went to answer realized it was an Instagram notification. HOLY SHIT… 20 comments in only a few minutes?! I couldn’t see the comments at that point but I assumed they were 20 comments from folks cheering me on for taking a stand, sharing their stories or simply being supportive of me. Insert montage of a glory run… slow motion, music playing, people clapping. Only in the montage of what really happened, someone ran out in front of me, tripped me and I landed in a pile of dog shit while they yelled April Fools!! AKA- the 20 comments I had assumed were the equivalent of a high five… were not.
As a teenager, I lived in the AOL world and certainly encountered my share of online bullying, especially entering high school. People were cruel, but I never experienced the type of online abuse you hear about now. It was mostly self-conscious teens who typed hurtful things while wearing their retainer and putting on their zit cream at night. However, the responses to my comment were not only disrespectful, they were shockingly hurtful. And worse, it wasn’t a puberty confused teen making these comments (maybe a few were), they were adults from all over the world. The cruelty and overall mean nature of the comments threw me into a tailspin. I went to bed feeling like I had lost a bit of my faith in humanity.
The nice ones: “Shut up” “Get over it” “Get a life” “Fuck Off”
The tough ones: “Those 1 in 4 and 1 in 8 are the only thing preventing an overpopulated apocalypse. Maybe just fuck off next time you think of something stupid you want to say to make yourself feel better”
“Babies are not sacred precious jewels that are more important than anything in existence I hope one day you will learn the impact that kind of rhetoric has on the world. In the meantime, maybe spend your time with something other than shitting on random strangers”
My personal favorite: “It’s a joke not a dick… don’t take it so hard” (while rude, I did get a laugh out of this. Also, keep in mind, this mature individual is pursuing an MD. They’re clearly going to have excellent bedside manner.)
The above examples are only a fraction of what was received and are not examples of the most hurtful… the worst don’t need to be re-lived. Again, I only posted the three sentences I listed at the beginning of this post. By the 50th comment I debated deleting the comment so no one else could comment on it. By the 100th I was searching all other comments on the photo to try to figure out why the hell my statistic was being reacted to so strongly. There was no way I’m the only one voicing my concern. I wasn’t… in fact many people had expressed distaste for the picture. However, my three sentence statistic had more comments and more hatred than any other post.
In the end, I left the post up. My goal in writing those three sentences was two fold. I wanted to educate the person who posted it but I also wanted to be brave and begin the infertility conversation. With every single comment that came in, I realized our world needs to be educated more than I ever realized. The people behind the comments are ignorant, stupid and straight up assholes. I can’t change the fact that they are assholes (that shit’s permanent) but if we continue to educate, maybe we can change the ignorance and stupidity. I also left it up for the very few women who commented who thanked me. Those who just lost a baby and were struggling. Those that were triggered by the original post and those who just needed to know that they weren’t alone in how they were feeling. Even those poor women were attacked. I have never in my life witnessed such cruelty… and all of it over a fake picture from a celebrity.
I’m still getting hateful comments a full 24 hours later. And despite those comments, I feel more at ease. I would have thought this negativity would scare me away from being more open about our journey, but I feel more inclined to share now that the worst has happened. With that being said, I could always chicken out come April 21st but for now… I’m thinking if I can put up with the monsters I don’t know, I can certainly handle the wonderful people that I do know.